I am almost certain you have never thought you would one day witness addiction first-hand. Living with a loved one who uses drugs or alcohol has an enormous impact on the whole family. Every family member is affected. Like many of you, this happened to me. I watched a loved one succumb to addiction. For me it was the father of my children. This is my story and I hope that sharing this with you will offer some comfort, mitigate the pain and improve/restore areas in your life so that you get back a sense of control.
It was not until I had my first child that I discovered that my partner had been taking drugs. He did not look like a drug addict and he concealed it from me so well so that I did not suspect a thing. He was a wonderful, kind and funny man, so you can imagine the shock. I was devastated when I found out and felt so angry. He stopped for a while and our entire family dynamic changed as a result. Later I had my daughter, and this is when my life turned upside down. He relapsed and began taking drugs again.
After four years I left. I grabbed my kids and left. I would never let my children go through what I went through. I decided that was not going to be their life. Moving to the UK would be the best move for my family. Unfortunately, the father of my children would not let me do that. It was his way of punishing me for leaving him. After a lengthy custody battle, the courts only let me keep my daughter. My son had to stay with his father. I was without my son for 11 years. I will never get those years back! My son only came to live with me in the UK at the age of 15.
Living with someone with substance abuse is painful and so hard. You go through every emotion possible.
I felt guilty that this person has chosen this life and if I had done a better job, he would not be doing what he was doing. I was not able to share with friends and family about what I was going through as I felt they would judge me or treat me differently. I tried so hard to maintain the appearance that everything is fine. Pretending everything is perfect is often easier. This only made me feel lonely.
I felt an incredible sense of loss, similar to grieving for a loved one. The person you once knew is gone. All those memories you once shared may never happen again. I lost all sense of control and could not see a way out.
I found myself bargaining and blaming myself for pushing him away. I tried different approaches and putting myself in his shoes. Hoping that a different, loving and kinder attitude would lead him to ditch this addiction and become the person he once was. When this didn’t work, feelings of failure, guilt and not feeling worthy enough came back again. The intense emotions that I was facing were redirected from a place of vulnerability to extreme anger and frustration.
Even after leaving the father of my children, the repercussions remained very rooted within me. The trauma, the anxiety, the stress, the isolation, the stigma and lack of self-confidence remained, and it was unbearable. I knew I had to do something and could not live in this state anymore. I sought help with the aim of regaining control over my life again, improve my self-esteem and overall wellbeing.
I came across a new hybrid therapy that embraces the most beneficial aspects of hypnosis and hypnotherapy, using trance regression and hypnotic conditioning - Rapid Transformational Therapy. It was an effective solution for me. It restored my confidence and self-esteem. It did not erase what I went through, but it completely altered the way I look back at that experience.
The therapy really contributed towards my healing and was so effective that I decided to train with Marisa Peer, who pioneered this unique therapy. As a therapist, my primary focus is to help families affected by substance abuse and anxiety-related problems. I can help you mitigate the pain, improve/restore areas in your life so that you get back a sense of control and start enjoying life again.
I can also help with a wide range of issues and will always offer you a tailored approach to overcoming your issue. Please get in touch to find out more.
Coping with the drug addiction of a loved one is a process that takes time, support and self-acceptance for you. It is so important to take care of yourself. Using regression and a range of different techniques and tools I will take you back to the key moments in time where limiting beliefs were created, negative patterns of behaviour or the need for physical pain. I will work alongside you and interpret the meaning of the events and change them.
I just want to end my story by saying that it is possible to for you to get your life back. The feelings you have been bottling up can cause mental and even physical health problems, and this will only add more stress and making it more difficult to cope – So hang in there and know that it is possible to get your life back!
Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and Rapid Transformational Therapist
Member of the General Hypnotherapy Standards Council - Accredited Practitioner (GHSC)
Member of the General Hypnotherapy Register (GHR)